Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying.
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"
Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson
Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, What are you in here for? The second kid says, Im in here to get my tonsils out and Im a little nervous. The first kid says, Youve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. Its a breeze. Cool, says the second kid. What are you in here for? A circumcision. Whoa! exclaims the second kid. Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldnt walk for a year.
Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus? A. "Is that you mommy?"
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, the kids yell, "Here comes the school bus."
Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours? A: Nacho cheese!;)
Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
An Arabic kid joined my football team. All he did was blow the plays.