Anxiety: Getting up to see why the baby isn’t crying.
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let’s try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is white, plastic, and dangerous to children. You put groceries in the other.
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid? A: The wall maker set.
A:I have the perfect son. Q:Does he smoke? A:No, he doesn't. Q:Does he drink whiskey? A:No, he doesn't. Q:Does he ever come home late? A:No, he doesn't. Q:I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A:He will be six months old next Wednesday.
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?" "First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
He was such a big baby that the doctor was afraid to slap him.
Your mama is so ugly, that she made a blind kid cry.