Joke #4511

Why is marriage a three-ring circus? First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

John: I didn't sleep with my wife before we were married. Did you? Bob: I'm not sure. What was your wife's maiden name?
Vote: has 86.81 % from 283 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, men, wife
The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?" Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!" So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye." "That's correct, Johnny. Very good!" And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"
Vote: has 86.86 % from 396 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
A husband is watching footie when his wife interrupts, "Honey, the hallway light has been flickering for weeks. Can you fix it?" He angrily looks at her and says, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E Logo printed on my forehead? I don’t think so!" "Well, what about the fridge door. It doesn’t close right." "Fix the Fridge Door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don’t think so!" "Ok", she says, "then you could at least fix the front door steps. They’re about to break." "I ain’t no damn Carpenter and I don’t wanna fix any steps," he says. "Does it look like I’ve got ACE hardware written on my forehead? I don’t think so. I’ve had enough. I’m off to the bar!" After a couple of hours at the local, he feels guilty and decides to go home and make up with his wife. As he walks up to the house he notice the steps are fixed. As he goes into the house he sess the hall light is working, and as he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Darling, how’d you get all this fixed?" She replies: "Well, after you left I was sitting outside crying when a nice young man asked what was wrong. I told him, he offered to do all the repairs and all I had to do was to either bake a cake or go to bed with him." He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?" She replied, "Helo...Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"
Vote: has 52.50 % from 38 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, wife
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
Vote: has 86.73 % from 983 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, marriage, wife
Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"
Vote: has 31.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: love, marriage
A widowed elderly lady was sunbathing on a beach in Fort Myers, FL. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand next to hers and began reading a book.  Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello sir, how are you today?" "Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.  "I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked. "First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied and turned back to his book. "I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away 3 years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" she asked. "Yes, I live over in Cape Coral," he answered and again resumed reading.  Trying to find a topic of common interest, and noticing that his book was about veterinary medicine, she persisted, "Do you like pussy cats?" With that, the man dropped his book, jumped off his blanket and on to hers, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate ride of her life!  When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?" The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"
Vote: has 55.11 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, husband, marriage, men, wife
Tom was a model husband. Mind you, he wasn’t a working model.
Vote: has 29.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage
If I've invested precious time and energy in a relationship, and I've been honest and open, hanging and coping, true blue, a good screw, to some fly guy who's out constantly getting high, then I'm dumped suicide is not one of my thoughts. I'm thinking maybe homicide.
Vote: has 37.61 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, relationship, time
Wife: "Every sunday you go for fishing, right?" Husband: "Yeah... Why?" Wife: "Today the fish came here and told she's pregnant."
Vote: has 55.71 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: baby, fish, marriage, wife
Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you! Girl: yes, but would you stay there….
Vote: has 31.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: marriage, relationship