All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn’t buy happiness...All most people want is a chance to prove money can’t make them happy.
This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them. "You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money." Then she whispers, "You know that blowjob I promised you? Well, here it comes..."
A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
A man goes into a bank and asks the cashier to check his balance, so the cashier pushes him over.
Why are black people & vending machines the same? Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.
One day Adam and his parents were at the mall. Adams mum gave him a $5 note and sent him on his way. He got a bag of chips and a drink. He went outside and his mum and dad weren't there.
Why use Linux: No Windows, no Gates, no Bill to pay.
I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’
What does a blonde in a supermarket bending over? Looking for low prices!
Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it?? A: No one the first four doesn't exist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!