OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.
I make money the old-fashioned way.
My salary is the same as it was ten years ago
He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.
A man was telling his wife that he wanted to go to this country in which women paid men twenty dollars every time they had sex.
She replied, "I do too!"
He gets confused and asks why.
She tells him, "I'd like to see how long you can last on forty dollars a month."
Your so poor, I stepped in your house and stepped on a cigarette, and your mom said, "Who turned of the lights".
A young man wants to be left something in his aunt’s will, so every day he goes round and takes her poodles for a walk.
When she finally dies, she does indeed remember the kindness of her nephew – and leaves him the poodles.
The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don’t speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase “secure the building”.
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.
I asked the boss if I could get a raise, and he said, "Because of the fluctuational predisposition of your position's productive capacity as juxtaposed to the industry standards, it would be monetarily injudicious to advocate an increment."
I said, "I don't get it."
He said, "That's right."
Vote:
Q: What kind of money do elves use?
A: Jingle bills!
A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"