Our body cells renew while asleep.
If only our wallets could do the same.
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Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
What do cows get when they do all their chores?
Mooney.
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
Yo' Mama is like a bus: she's big, she stinks, and it's only a dollar to ride.
Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
Dick’s family were very poor – when the wolf came to the door, they ate it.
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.
“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
There are a hundred holes in the body of a woman; one of them would be filled with a penis and 99 others could be filled with money.
A guy was talking with his friend:
I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk.
Ok, but how about your finances?
The lawyer takes care of those...