Joke #4680

Our body cells renew while asleep. If only our wallets could do the same.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: money

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A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said, "You cannot do this, I'm a congressman!" The thief replied, "In that case, give me MY money!"
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has 79.05 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: money, political
In 2011 someone asked Chuck Norris if he had ever been to Portugal. He answered: "Where?" The country went bankrupt.
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has 47.02 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, geography, money, travel
Why was the man sued by his horse? For palomino-money!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: animal, lawyer, money
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night. “Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.” “Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
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has 76.32 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: dad, lawyer, money
Q: What do you call a group financial controller who's lost his job? A: Bob.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: accountant, money, work
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES $50.00." A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER $50.00."
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has 71.56 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, money, prison, women
Why don't cows ever have any money? Because the farmers milk them dry.
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has 50.70 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, money
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking, and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don’t even have a fridge to keep it in." The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty stupid, but says his wife is more stupid. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn’t even know how to drive!" The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every time I think of it," he chuckles, "my wife left to go on a trip to Greece. I watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there and she doesn’t even have a dick!"
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has 71.86 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: bar, money, stupid, wife, women
He was so mean he had the house sound-proofed so the children wouldn’t be able to hear the ice cream van.
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has 24.26 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: money
A snail is walking down the road, when all of a sudden two turtles appear. They rough up the snail, take his money, and leave him for dead. Months later in the courtroom, after the two turtles have been arrested, the judge asks the snail to describe what happened on the night of the assault. The snail says, "Gee, I would love to, your honor, but it all happened so fast!"
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, money