My girlfriend used to fake foreplay.
A man falls asleep on a beach and gets severe sunburn.
He’s rushed to hospital by his wife
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Q: What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%?
A: Her wedding cake.
A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"
I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black condom.
Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?"
"My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.
Two men are having a drink together.
One says, ‘I had sex with my wife before we were married.
What about you?’
‘I don’t know,’ says the other.
‘What was her maiden name?’
Q:Why do women like to have sex with the lights off?
A:They can't stand to see a man have a good time!
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."
The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You try."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
Yo Mama's so ugly, I can f**k her in any position and it'll still be doggie-style.
What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
Two firemen are butt fucking in a smoked filled room.
The fire chief walks in and says "what are you doing?"
Give this man mouth to mouth then one of the firemen says:
"I did how do you think all this shit got started..."