Joke #4697

My girlfriend used to fake foreplay. A man falls asleep on a beach and gets severe sunburn. He’s rushed to hospital by his wife

The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Anderson's have company," he called out. "Matt`s riding a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

Q: Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS? A: They can't get the laboratory mice to arse f*ck.

Q: What is the first symptom of AIDS? A: A sharp pain in the ass.

Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.

A big city doctor visits an Indian tribe full of men, he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?" "Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc?" "We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to... unless your in prison.

What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.

What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving? They both fell off the motorcycle.

A Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asked. "About as hard as my dick," he replies. To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"