My girlfriend used to fake foreplay. A man falls asleep on a beach and gets severe sunburn. He’s rushed to hospital by his wife
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
How can you tell if your girlfriend’s frigid? When you open her legs, the lights go on.
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Yo' Mama is so skanky, when yo' daddy suggested doggie style, she laid down and licked her balls.
Hey! I don't have a mom, me and my dad share yours.
Once upon a time there was a women that was about to have triplets. In her stomach the babies were talking to each other. The first baby says "I want to be a plumber, because there is so much water in here". The second baby says "I want to be an electrician because it is so dark in here". And the last baby says "I want to be a hunter, because if that damn snake comes back in here i'm going to cut it off".
What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
Q: Whats the definition of vagina? A: The box a penis comes in.
Q: What does a gay order in a Chinese restaurant? A: Sum Yung Gi.
‘I recently sold the rights of my love life to Parker brothers, they’re going to turn it into a game.’ Woody Allen