Joke #4697

My girlfriend used to fake foreplay. A man falls asleep on a beach and gets severe sunburn. He’s rushed to hospital by his wife

A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.

Girl: "Do you believe in puppy love?" Boy: "I tried it once, but their assholes are too small."

‘I was involved in an extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, and she said “No”.’ Woody Allen

What´s the difference between a goodyear and a fucking good year? 365 condoms.

Are you an elevator? Cause I wanna go down on you.

Mary, a horny and sexy 23 year old and a handsome, single, sexy doctor Matt have an appointment together. Doctor: Well what's your problem madam? Mary: Well, there's something wrong with my tongue. Doctor: What's wrong with it? Mary: Examine it and you'll see. Doctor: Why don't you just- Mary: EXAMINE IT! Doctor: Fine. (Starts examining tongue, confused as there is nothing wrong with it.) Mary: (Suddenly pushes tongue into Matt's mouth) Doctor: (Pulls out tongue, furiously) Oh, so that's what's wrong with your tongue, eh? It's wanting sex. I see. I can fix that. (Goes to lock door, and rips off all of his clothes) Now your turn. Mary: Wow. I should have just asked. Doctor: (Starts to plunge in and out his dick from Mary's pussy.) Do you wanna make it more enjoyable? Mary: (Moaning and groaning sexually) Ooooooh yes.... Baby..... Yes.... Doctor: Ooooooh it feels SOOO good. (Starts to moan and groan sexually, he suddenly cums) Mary: Aaaaah a baby, fuck me more! Doctor: (Goes on top of Mary) I'm fucking you as hard as I can! When the session is finished, Mary wants to tell Matt something. Mary: That was great. But do you know why you got so aroused before? Doctors: Yes. It was very strange, I was not horny before. Mary: My tongue had viagra powder on it. That's why I put my tongue in your mouth.

Priest walks into a hotel reception and says 'I have booked a room for the night, but I hope the pornography on the television is disabled'. The receptionist say 'You weirdo, its normal porn!'

Have you ever seen the serial number on a condom? No? Oh sorry, you must not have to roll it down that far.

Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they? A: His left hand and his right hand.

A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said no. The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"