What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.
Knock Knock! Who's there? Testicules. Testicules who? Pillow for penis .
A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother. ‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son. The mother replies, ‘I don’t know. Surprise me.’
A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."
A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms. The cashier asks him if he wants a bag. He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."
Q: Why do dogs lick their balls? A: Because they can. Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches? A: Same reason.
One day Little Timmy caught his mom and dad having sex. Little Timmy asks his dad "Can I join you?" His dad asks "Can your dick touch your ass?" Timmy replies "No." "Then no." Dad replies. Later on he catches his dad looking at porn. Timmy asks "Can I look with you Daddy?" His dad asks again "Can your dick touch your ass?" "No." "Then no." Later that night Little Timmy is eating cookies. His dad walks into the kitchen and asks "Can I have a cookie?" Timmy asks "Can your dick touch your ass?" His dad replies "Yes." "Then go fuck yourself these cookies are mine!"
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"