Joke #4723

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.

A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"

Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

A guy walks into a bar with a four-foot crocodile on a leash, following him like a dog. The barman says gruffly: "No pets allowed here!" The guy says, "But this is a trained crocodile. See what it can do!" He sets the crocodile on a table and hits it on both ears. The crocodile opens its jaws wide. The guy unzips his pants, puts his pecker into the crocodile's jaws and hits the crocodile on the ears again. The crocodile closes its jaws leaving just one-inch space, not touching the man's pecker. Everybody in the bar is very impressed. To build upon it, the guy declares: "I give a hundred dollars to anyone who does it!" But everybody is afraid to - understandably, each would rather have an undamaged pecker than a hundred dollars. Finally, a man wearing a pink suit, with an earring in one ear, says in an effeminate voice: "I think I can do it!" Everybody admires him, "What a brave man you are!" The man continues, to the guy: "Just don't hit me so hard on the ears!"

Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. "Can I help you?" she asks. "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs. "I am." The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."

At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?” Most of the hands go up. “And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?” About half the hands stay up. “Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?” Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd. “Gosh, that’s pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh…, been *intimate* with a ghost?” One hand stays up. The speaker blinks. “Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?” The fellow suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry,… I thought you said goat!”

Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women? A: men have an antenna!

I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.

What comes after 69? Mouthwash.

Little Johnny walks into his parent's room one night to find them having sex. "Mom? What are you doing?" he asks his mom. "Making a cake" his mom replies. Later that week, Little Johnny walks asks his mom in the car "Were you and daddy making a cake on the couch" he asks. "Yeah. Why?" his mom asks, confused and worried. "Because I licked the icing off the couch! It was delicious!" he responded.