Joke #5000

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
Vote: has 87.24 % from 1813 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.
Vote: has 35.72 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, disgusting, lesbian, sex
A blonde pick ups her dress from the dry cleaners, when she leaves the Cashier says, "Come again!" Bonde said, "Nah..It was ketchup this time."
Vote: has 67.32 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, dirty, time
There were three women sitting at a bar, talking about how loose they were. One woman said that her husband could fit his arm in up to his elbow. The next woman said her man could fit his leg in up to his knee. The last woman just slid over the bar stool.
Vote: has 69.30 % from 50 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: bar, dirty, husband
How do lesbians handle their liquor? By the ears. (Lick her)
Vote: has 37.97 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, lesbian
A little boy about nine or ten, was siting on Santa's lap. Santa pointed his finger in the boys face, and said, " George I know what you want for Christmas! A T-O-Y." "Nope!" replied George. Then again, pointing his finger in the boys face, "You want C-A-N-D-Y." "Nope!" replied George. "Then just what the hell do you want," ask Santa. George looked Santa in the face, pointing his finger, "I want some P-U-S-S-Y! And don't tell me that you don't have any. Because I can smell it on your finger!"
Vote: has 81.37 % from 223 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
What do you call an afghan virgin Mever bin laid on
Vote: has 33.40 % from 47 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? because the grass tickles their balls :)
Vote: has 69.60 % from 93 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, football
boy: spell "me" girl: M-E boy: but you forgot the D girl: there's no D in me boy: not yet ;)
Vote: has 73.79 % from 262 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Can I dock my rocket at your space station?
Vote: has 31.08 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty
Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home."
Vote: has 82.33 % from 229 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, love