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Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch!"
Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords."
But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain.
"Oh, heavens" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."
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Q:Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
A:Because you can't drink and derive...
Sex is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
There was a statistician that drowned crossing a river... It was 3 feet deep on average.
Yo momma is so stupid when they asked her 1+1 she said "Ouch! it is a long story."
What happened to the plant in math class?
It grew square roots.
The teacher asked Willy, "If you have seven cookies and Billy asks you for three, how many cookies have been left with you?"
Willy immediately answered, "Seven!"
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown.
She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep.
She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?"
The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?"
"Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car.
The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
I used to think maths was useless, but then one day I realised that decimals had a point.
E=mc squared.
E multiplied by mc squared=Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.
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