Joke #4734

Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!

Q. How can you tell a head nurse? A. She's the one with the dirty knees!

Two condoms are walking down the street when they walk by a gay bar. One condom says to the other, "Hey man, you wanna get shit-faced?"

Roses are red violets are blue. My dick has glue I offer it to you.

Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

Girl: I get horny everytime I hear something sexual, it's weird I know, but anyway, what's your name? Me: Sir BJ Anal The 69th.

Some newly-weds arrive to the hotel and the girl very afraid tells her husband: "Honey, I don't know nothing of this, can you help me, please?" I will Honey, starting from this instant, we will call your thing the prison and my thing will we call the prisoner, so... we will put the prisoner in the prison" And they throw the first one. and the guy is laying face up on the bed, but the girl was delighted and tells her husband: "Love, the prisoner is outside the prison!!!" The guy not very delighted tells her: "Lets put him into the prison another time!!" And the second ...but the girl is very sweet-toothed and she tells him: "!! Honey !!!... .The prisoner is out again!!!" The man rises, with the legs like a recently born foal. And they throw the third!!! He is laying on the bed, exhausted and the girl says: "!!! Honey, the prisoner escaped again!!!" And he answers with his last breath: "HEY !, It's not life imprisonment!!

Q: Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? A: Because red means Stop.

An old couple decide to get married after years of courting. They sit down to discuss the marriage arrangements and the prospective bridegroom brings up the subject of sex. ‘Oh dear,’ says his aging fiancée. ‘As far as sex goes I’d have to say, infrequently.’ ‘Pardon?’ replies the bridegroom. ‘Was that one word or two?’

Superman was flying around Metropolis when he noticed Wonder Woman lying totally naked, spread-eagle on her bed. He thought, "Hmm... I could fly through that open window and be in and out before she even knew what hit her!" With nothing more than a rustle of the curtains, Superman was on his way, thinking, "Wow! She is really tight!" Back in her bedroom, Wonder Woman sat up asking, "What in Amazonia was that?!" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole sure hurts!"

Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush." The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake." A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"