A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port of France, and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.
Oui monsieur; what is the destination port for this load?
I’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.
Wouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?
Why is that sir? If you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese; of course!
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Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon!
Man: You've brought religion into my life.
Woman: Really? How?
Man: Until I met you, I didn't believe in Hell.
If I had my whole life to live over again, I don’t think I’d have the strength.
Q: Why are gays so happy?
A: Becuase the luck does not have the courage turning back to them.
Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen tanks when scuba diving.
He simply sucks all the life out of the ocean to breath.
Vote:
I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.
A young accountant spends a week at his new office with the retiring accountant he is replacing.
Each and every morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens his desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing sheet of paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with renewed vigor, returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins his day’s work.
After he retires, the new accountant can hardly wait to read for himself the message contained in the envelope in the drawer, particularly since he feels so inadequate in replacing the far wiser and more highly esteemed accountant.
Surely, he thinks to himself, it must contain the great secret to his success, a wondrous treasure of inspiration and motivation.
His fingers tremble anxiously as he removes the mysterious envelope from the drawer and reads the following message:
"Debits in the column toward the file cabinet. Credits in the column toward the window. Prefer Wraps and females who think realistically pick Wholemeal.”
Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.