Joke #5011

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said: "Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!" "Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, IT, life
You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'.
Vote: has 35.20 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" “¨"Of course child. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman’s electronic hair dryer for my Mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"
Vote: has 76.51 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: airplane, dad, life, priest, travel
Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
Vote: has 71.85 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: accountant, life, money, tax
There was an old married couple who love each other very much. But each morning as he was waking up the husband let out a huge nasty wet fart with his wife right in the bed next to him. The wife always says "One day you're going to fart your guts out if you don't stop." Then one day the wife snapped she won't take it anymore and she got up extra early when downstairs and got the guts out of a turkey and put it in the bed behind. She went back downstairs to wait and then she heard the loud disgusting fart all the way down the stairs and then she hears nothing for a long while. Just as she's about to go upstairs and check on her husband he comes stomping down the steps and he says "Honey you were right after I get my guts out but with the grace of God and these two fingers I managed to shove them back up there again."
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, disgusting, fart, life, marriage
A diner complained, "Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!" His waiter replied, "That's entirely possible; our cook used to be a tailor."
Vote: has 56.86 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Heading off to college at the age of 40, I was a bit self-conscious about my advancing years. One morning I complained to my husband that I was the oldest student in my class. "Even the teacher is younger than I am," I said. "Yeah," he said optimistically, "but look at it from my point of view. I thought my days of fooling around with college girls were over!"
Vote: has 76.51 % from 40 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A teenage boy overdosed on ten bottles of Viagra. Not only is he lucky to be alive, he’s lucky not to have taken his eye out.
Vote: has 33.96 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, sex, teen, viagra
More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
Vote: has 58.75 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, life
Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.
Vote: has 78.47 % from 44 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life