Joke #4809

My husband and I couldn’t decide which jacket to buy our granddaughter, so we asked the young salesman. “If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend,” I said, “what would you get?” “A bulletproof one,” he said. “I’m married.”
Vote: has 54.15 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.”
Vote: has 31.97 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, wedding
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like Mr. Plumber?" A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?" A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?" "What do I look like Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. "Wow, did he charge us anything?" "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him." "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" "Cake? What the hell do I look like Betty Crocker?"
Vote: has 55.78 % from 62 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, husband, marriage, sex, work
"Hey, man! You didn't tell me why didn't you get through with the wedding!" "To tell you the truth... I'm thinking about your wife, all the time!" "WHAT? You PRICK!" "Chill out man... Don't get it wrong... I'm just afraid that I might end up having the same bad luck as you had...!"
Vote: has 84.58 % from 189 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, wedding, wife
What is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 40 lb.
Vote: has 31.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket? A: Married.
Vote: has 60.15 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: beauty, blonde, marriage
A wife and her husband were sleeping, in the middle of the night, the husband farted. Next morning the guy told his wife: "Last night I dreamed that I've bought a Mercedes!" His wife said: "That is right and you tootled for me."
Vote: has 85.50 % from 616 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: car, fart, marriage
Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before. Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?
Vote: has 32.79 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
An old man and his wife are having their first argument after many years of marriage. He says, ‘When we got married, you promised to love, honour and obey!’ ‘I know,’ replies his wife. ‘But I didn’t want to start an argument in front of all those people.’
Vote: has 39.50 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage
A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to. When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Vote: has 55.19 % from 91 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, marriage, medical, wife, work
Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on. All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week. The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... The first week after wasn't too bad. The second week was geting sort of bad. The third week was getting pretty bad. The fourth week was really bad. The fifth week was horrible! By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
Vote: has 34.25 % from 36 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: desert island, disgusting, marriage, time, women