What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
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An old lady went to visit her dentist.
When it was her turn she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants and raised her legs.
The dentist said: "Excuse me; I 'm not a gynecologist."
"I know," said the old lady "I want you to take my husband's teeth out."
What's the difference between a dead baby and a table?
You can't fuck a table.
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A boy watches his mum and dad having s*x he ask, "What are you doing ?"
His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!"
Boy say, "Do her d*ggy style I want a puppy."
Friend pisses me off so I poked holes in his condom the night before he uses it.
Three months later... my mom's pregnant.
Boy: you left this at my house last night
Girl: that aint mine
Boy : sorry number 32 I thought you were someone else
A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, "Cheese sandwich: 0.99; Chicken sandwich: 1.50; H*ndjob: 20.00."
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile.
"Can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man.
"Are you the one who gives the h*ndjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs.
"Indeed I am."
The man replies, "Well, go and wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich!"
Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
*How girls become friends*
Omg I love your shoes!
*How guys become friends*
Excuse me sir, I see you fuck bitches, I myself, also fuck bitches.
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