Joke #5835

Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper? So she can lip read.

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful naked woman with a sign that says "If you catch me, you can screw me." An hour later, he emerges, sated and 20 lbs. lighter. A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs again, but this time there are two girls with the same sign. A day later, he comes out 50 lbs. lighter. A year later, he returns and needs to lose 100 lbs. He gets sent upstairs again, where he finds a huge gorilla with a sign that reads "If I catch you, I screw you."

Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.

Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? A: He heard the snow blower coming.

They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.

There are an older brother and a younger sister. The sister went to the bathroom while the brother was in the bathroom. The sister asks the brother if she could play with his dick and he says yeah. A few weeks later there was a big storm and the sister goes to the brother's room and asked the brother if she could play with Mr.Cuddles he says no. Then the sister said that she would tell on him so a little pissed of he says yes. After a while, the parents hear a scream. They rush to the brother's room and asks the sister what happened she said "Mr.Cuddles spat on me so I bit his head off."

I'll have you saying, "My compliments to the chef" in no time!

Are you a candle? Because I want to blow you.

Two men were talking: First : "Can U put the word 'penis' in a sentence?" Second: "Yo mama's pussy."

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

Chuck Norris can't have children, because his dick wouldn't fit.