Joke #5835

Why was the BLIND blonde sitting on newspaper? So she can lip read.

Q: What do a woman and a bar have in common? A: Liquor in the front, Poker in the back.

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"

Susan's mother: "What are you doing on the top of that tree?" Susan: "Some boys are playing football their ball is fallen on the tree. They asked me to bring it." Susan's mother: "My dear , they only want to chech your pants." Susan: "Don't worry mam, I hav'nt put on my pants!"

The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...

What did the flower say to be the bee? "Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."

A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He says, "What's your name?" She says, "Carmen." He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?" She says, "No, I named myself." He says, "Why Carmen?" She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?" He says, "Beerfuck."

My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."

What do you call an afghan virgin Mever bin laid on

Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm in love but not with you... When we broke up you thought I cried But all it was... Was another guy, You told your friends that I was a trick, I told mine that you had a weak dick... I said I loved you And you thought it was true, But guess what baby?! You got played too!

An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.” The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”