An archaeologist in Egypt was taking a walk in the town square one morning.
He had to get back to the hotel for a meeting but had forgotten his wristwatch.
He was walking by an old man sitting on a low stool by his camel and asked if he knew the time.
The old man slowly reached over and pushed the camel's testicles to one side and then released them, letting them swing to a stop.
"10:27" he said.
The archaeologist was stunned as he had never seen someone tell time like that before.
He rushed back to the hotel to find his colleagues and then brought them back to the town square to find the old man.
Having found him again, the archaeologist said, "I will give you this $50 bill if you'll show me how you tell time.
The old man pocketed the $50 bill and said, "OK, kneel down here with me and put your head close to mine. Now swing the camel's testicles out of the way. Now, can you see the clock on that building over there?"
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Another one was: Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'.
He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.
'It's not unusual' he replied.
Never make the same mistake twice.
There are so many new ones, try a different one each day.
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Vote:
Chuck can use "save" in real life.
But he doesn't need it.
Vote:
Friendly reminder that Adele and Taylor Swift are the same age, yet one is pregnant and another stuck in middle school.
Everytime a someone tells me my jokes are funny, I say, "Thanks! I got more lines than Whitney Huston's coffee table.".
What has a head, a tail, and no body?
A coin!
The fastest dialog in the world:
(WC door is opening)
Man inside: Heyyy!
Man outside: Sorryyy!
3 things which change women:
1) I love U
2) I liquidated to your account
3) U have lost weight
The last one had been some fatalities!