Joke #4934

Q: How do you get your wife to scream and groan when you're having sex? A: Let her catch you doing it.
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Marriage is bit like having a meal at a self-service buffet: you get exactly what you want, but when you see what another man’s got on his plate you fancy a bit of that as well.
Vote: has 31.97 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife made a wish too, but she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"
Vote: has 67.67 % from 1202 votes. Send joke:

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A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?" The husband looked at his wife and said, "What do I look like Mr. Plumber?" A few days went by, and his wife asked for a favor. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" "What do I look like Mr. Goodwrench?" A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?" "What do I look like Bob Vila?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV. One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either. When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?" She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbors, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything. "Wow, did he charge us anything?" "No, he said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or had sex with him." "Cool. What kind of cake did you make?" "Cake? What the hell do I look like Betty Crocker?"
Vote: has 53.05 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

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Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
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Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece? A: He Married Her
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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, “It really works!”
Vote: has 47.21 % from 27 votes. Send joke:

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The boss snubs his employee because he took a flashlight with him to a date: "What kind of crap happens nowadays? When I was in your age, I wasn’t carrying any flashlight with me on a date. I was always meeting my girlfriends in the dark." "And what did that got you... Take a look at what you’ve married in to!"
Vote: has 49.79 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

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A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x. The code is: "Making a call." One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call. The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order. Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call. The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
Vote: has 54.49 % from 45 votes. Send joke:

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He named the street he built after his wife. It was very apt, as she was cold, hard, cracked and only got ploughed around Christmas.
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Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.
Vote: has 42.61 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

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