Joke #4959

Wife complains husband, "When I'm crossing the dark forest when I'm comming back home I'm scared that someone will rape me." "Don't worry" answers husband, "you wouldn't be so lucky..."
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Jack and his wife lived in Arizona where the summers are very hot. He woke up one day when they were having a heat wave. As he stepped out of the shower he complained to his wife saying, “it’s just too hot to wear any clothes on a day like this. What would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn with no clothes.” “That I married you only for your money.”
Vote: has 85.31 % from 238 votes. Send joke:
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A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp." Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle." Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again. Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened." Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
Vote: has 62.39 % from 101 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: doctor, drunk, husband, marriage, women
Coming home after check-up, 45 year old Jenna said to her husband: "The doctor said that my brust is like a 20 year old girl’ brust." Husband replied: "Did he mention about your 45 year old hanged to the floor ass?" "No", she said. "Your name wasn’t even mentioned."
Vote: has 44.46 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
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Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Vote: has 82.61 % from 323 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, nerd, technology
A newlywed couple lay in bed one morning husband says: "How about you go brew us some coffee?" Wife: "That's your job." Hasband: "Says who?" Wife : "The bible, it's on just about every page." Husband: "The bible don't say anything about brewing coffee." Wife (Holding her Bible flipping pages): "See every page Hebrews, Hebrews, hebrews."
Vote: has 78.13 % from 55 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: bible, marriage, religious
There are two times when a man doesn’t understand a woman - before and after marriage.
Vote: has 84.17 % from 184 votes. Send joke:
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The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
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Men are divided into two groups: 50% are wise and 50% have married.
Vote: has 83.96 % from 52 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life, marriage, men
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
Vote: has 64.35 % from 72 votes. Send joke:
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Why are men with pierced ears are better prepared for marriage? They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Vote: has 29.51 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
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