Joke #4971

Q: What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? A: The Food!
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This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. "Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back." "I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes." "That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents." About a week later the guy gets a call. "How's it going with the mice, buddy?" "Not so good, dude." "What's the problem?" his friend asks. "To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."
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Teacher: “You know you can’t sleep in my class.” Boy: “I know. But maybe if you were just a little quieter, I could.”
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The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class? Let’s start with you, Robert.” Robert: “The artwork.” Teacher: “Very good. And you, Peter?” Peter: “Her tits!” Teacher: “Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall! And you, Johnny?” Johnny: “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”
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Q: How do you know when an Asian robs your house? A: Your technology has been upgraded, your homework is finished, but he's still trying to back out of your drive way.
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What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests!
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Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren’t the best teacher in the school.
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A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven." Mary answers, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'"
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Teacher: “How can you prove the earth is round?” Boy: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
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Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?" Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
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When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
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