Q: What vegetables to librarians like? A: Quiet peas.
When you try to change a man, you basically undertake his mother’s role; And she made him eat spinach and study for school...
Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school? A: The "elf"-abet!
“Dad, can you write in the dark?” “I think so. What is it you want me to write?” “Your name on this report card.”
"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?" "No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."
I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home Student: I can't, I live just round the corner!
Joe: What’s the king of all school supplies? Moe: I don’t know. What? Joe: The ruler.
Little Johnny came home from school one day slightly confused. His mother was Jewish and his father was Hispanic. So Johnny says, "Mum, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?" "What does it really matter? You’ll just have to ask your father", his mother tells him. So Johnny’s father gets home from work and Johnny asks the same question, "Dad, am I more Jewish or more Hispanic?" "What kind of a question is that, does it really matter? Why do you want to know if you’re more Jewish or more Hispanic?" asks his dad. "Well, it’s like this dad. Tommy down the street wants to sell his bicycle for $50, I don’t know whether to talk him down to $25, or wait till dark and steel the fucking thing!"
Yo mama so dumb,when she got an "F" on her test, she thought it mean Fantastic!