Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
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A little boy was so exited because his mom told him he is getting a baby brother.
He repeated that to his techer every day, when he came to school, "Im getting a brother."
One day his mom alllowed him to feel the baby's kicks in her belly.
The next day he came to school and didnt say anything to his teacher, so the teacher asked him, what happend to his brother.
He replyed, "I think mommy ate him."
Teacher: “Johnny, what is the outside of a tree called?”
Johnny: “I don’t know.”
Teacher: “Bark, Johnny, bark.”
Johnny: “Bow, wow, wow!”
There was an employment advertisement in an office.
So a guy went there.
Managrer asked him: "Do you know what is the meaning of Ph.D.?"
The guy answered: "Passed High school with Difficulties."
Q. To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A. Grade 4.
A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students.
The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”
The teacher had had enough.
She took Harry to the principal’s office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.
The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.
The teacher agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
Harry: “9″.
Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
Harry: “36″.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know.
The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, “I think Harry can go to the third-grade.”
The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions?”
The principal and Harry both agree.
The teacher asks, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?”
Harry, after a moment, “Legs.”
Teacher: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!
Harry replied, “Pockets.”
Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
Harry: “Pants”
Teacher: "What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Harry: Coconut
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry was taking charge.
Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
Harry: "Bubblegum"
Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?"
The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Shake hands"
Teacher: "Now I will ask some “Who am I sort of questions, okay?"
Harry: "Yep."
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."
Harry: "Tent"
Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first."
Principal was looking restless and bit tense.
Harry: "Wedding Ring"
Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good."
Harry: "Nose"
Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
Harry: "Arrow"
Teacher: "What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I missed the last ten questions myself.”
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.
Teacher: “Why are you late?”
Boy: “Because of a sign down the road.”
Teacher: “What does a sign have to do with your being late?”
Boy: “The sign said, ‘School Ahead, Go Slow!’”
During an English lesson, the teacher notices that a boy was not paying attention to him.
Teacher asks, "Johnny, join these two sentences together.
I was cycling to school.
I saw a dead body."
Little Johnny after thinking for a while says, "I saw a dead body cycling to school."
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