Mother: What did you learn in school today
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!
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Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water.
The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass.
It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died.
"Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"
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Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school?
A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.
Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it.
So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep.
The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.
"Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?"
William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!"
And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary."
Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.
"Who died on the cross for our sins?"
William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!"
Once again, she goes back to sleep.
This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
William pokes her again.
Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
Teacher: “How can you prove the earth is round?”
Boy: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”
Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
Joe: What’s the king of all school supplies?
Moe: I don’t know. What?
Joe: The ruler.
School is like a boner, long and hard.
Unless you're Asian...
"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny.
"Let's play schools," said Jenny.
"OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."
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Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?"
Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"
In high school, Chuck Norris was voted "Most."
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