Q: Why do women have periods?
A: Because they deserve them.
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A young , attractive woman thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him, “Major, when was the last time you had sex?”
“1956,” was his reply.
“No wonder you look so uptight!” she exclaimed. “Major, you need to get out more!”
“I’m not sure I understand you,” he answered, glancing at his watch, ”It’s only 2014 now.”
Woman 1: Oh!
You got a haircut!
That’s so cute!
Woman 2: Do you think so?
I wasn’t sure when she was gave me the mirror.
I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Woman 1: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect.
I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide.
I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable.
And you could easily get one of those layer cuts – that would look so cute I think.
I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 1: Oh – that’s funny!
I would love to have your neck!
Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman 2: Are you kidding?
I know girls that would love to have your shoulders.
Everything drapes so well on you.
I mean, look at my arms – see how short they are?
If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.
Man 1: Haircut?
Man 2: Yeah.
Why did the woman cross the road?
That's not the point,what's she doing out of the kitchen?
Pal: "My advice for your date is, make her think you're well travelled, girls love it!"
Me: "Guess how many buses it took me to get here."
A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.
They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings.
Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver.
The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:
"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
Q: Why do women have arms?
A: Have you any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?
Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."
A man and woman were on their first date.
The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer."
The man looked away and turned red.
"What's wrong?" asked the woman.
"I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
Question: Why do men die before their wives?
Answer: Because they want to.