This guy comes back from the toilet, when a women says to him, "Hey, you have left your GARAGE door open"!"
As the man is zipping his fly up, he says with a big smile,"Did you see my big black hummer?"
The woman replies, "Nope just a MINI COOPER with two flat tires."
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Q: How big is a Republican-size bed?
A: Wide enough for the man, the woman, and the ten-foot pole.
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A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner.
This is tobe her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud,but everyone at the table heard thepouf.
Before she even had a chanceto be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!".
A few minutes laterthe woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing!
Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"
Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman on the planet once a month... and they bleed for a week.
Could you imagine if God turns out to be a woman ?
Not only am I going to hell, but I will never know why.
This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Is Lady Gaga wonder woman because we all wonder if she's a woman?
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
Vote:
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11 - 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it...