Joke #5033

Lisa needs brain surgery and figures its easier to buy a new brain. She asks the doctor what he has on sale. "Well you're in luck I have two in stock, a man's brain for $1000, and a woman's for $100." Surprised she asks why the price difference? "Generally women brains run cheaper because they come to us used!"
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Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Vote: has 69.39 % from 34 votes. Send joke:
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Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Vote: has 69.45 % from 100 votes. Send joke:
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A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position. His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?" "Not even a little," said the young man. "How about alcoholic beverages?" "Never touch 'em," he replied. The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?" The applicant said, "No, not really." "So you don't have any vices?" "Well, I do have one," he admitted. "And what would that be?" the boss asked. "I tell lies."
Vote: has 76.80 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: alcohol, communication, drug, women, work
"If women ruled the world," said my wife, "there'd be no wars."  "That's true," I replied. "Wars require strategy and logic."
Vote: has 78.40 % from 73 votes. Send joke:
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A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet. What are they thinking? The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet. He doesn’t want to talk. May be he’s get tired of me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s probably got someone else. I see. We’ll have to separate each other." The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling. Wow! How keep it there and don’t fall?"
Vote: has 68.29 % from 67 votes. Send joke:
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A guy asks a Chinese lady for her phone number she says, "Free, sex, free, sex, tonight." The guy said," wow" and her friend says she means 363629.
Vote: has 69.29 % from 92 votes. Send joke:
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An elderly woman went to her doctor, complaining about not being able to hear out of one ear. The doctor then took his penlight, looked in her ear, then took his tweezers, reached in, and pulled something out. After examining the object for a second, he exclaimed, "Well...it seems you inserted a suppository into your ear...". The old lady thought for a second, then responded "Gee...I guess that explains why I can't find my hearing-aid...!".
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
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Q. How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.
Vote: has 72.63 % from 29 votes. Send joke:
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3 things which change women: 1) I love U 2) I liquidated to your account 3) U have lost weight The last one had been some fatalities!
Vote: has 78.59 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
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A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"
Vote: has 39.78 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, marriage, women