Joke #5102

I bought a racehorse today, I called him My Face. I don't care if he doesn't win, I just want to hear a load of posh twats shouting, "Come on My Face."

A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. In front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: "Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. COST $5" So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves. The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says: "You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. COST $10" So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had. So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?" The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"

Q: Who is the most skillful goal keeper in the world? A: All women; they never allow any ball enters.

Three babies in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here." The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here." The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer." The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?" He proudly replies, "So I can beat the hell out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."

Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style? A: That way they can both watch wrestling.

Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers? A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!

The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. He turned on the jockey. "Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?" "Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse."

Q: Why is horse racing so romantic? A: Because the horse hugs the rails, the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye.

What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don't look down.

Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover? A: His ass!