How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
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A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant.
My name, living address, phone number...
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.
A husband and wife are driving along when they see an injured skunk lying by the roadside.
They decide to take it to a vet but don’t have anything to carry it in.
‘Why not wrap it in your skirt?’ suggests the husband.
‘What about the stink?’ protests his wife.
Her husband replies, ‘It’ll just have to get used to it.’
1st man: It is sickening the way my wife keps talking about her ex husband..
2nd man: Than's nothing, mine keps talking about her next husband.
I play the worlds most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
He was in a position to marry anyone he pleased.
Unfortunately he didn’t please anyone.
Yo mama is so stupid she married a carpenter just to get nailed.
Wife: "There is something wrong with you."
Me: "What a thing to say just before our dog's first salsa lesson."
A man finds a genie lamp.
He rubs the lamp and a genie comes out and says "I may grant you 3 wishes, but your wife gets double."
The man wishes for a new car. The genie gives him a new car and the man's wife 2 new cars.
The man then wishes for a new house. The genie gives him a new house and the man's wife 2 new houses.
The man then says, "For my final wish, I wish to be beaten to half-death."