Joke #5271

A man is working a a d*ldo store, when a brunette walks in. She asks him how much for the black d*ldo? He replies $50 for the black one, $50 for the white one. She leaves without purchasing anything. A red head walks in and asks him how much for the white d*ldo? He replies $50 for the white one, $50 for the black one. she doesn't buy anything. A blonde enters the store and asks him how much for a d*ldo? He answers $50 for a black one, $50 for a white one. She asks how much for the plaid one on the shelf behind him? He says oh thats a very special one, thats $250. She buys it. At closing, the manager walk in and asks the man how much he sold. The man said no d*ldos but i sold your thermos for $250.

A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother. ‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son. The mother replies, ‘I don’t know. Surprise me.’

Little Johnny: "Dad why your dick's hairs are black but the hairs of your head are are going to be white?" Dad: "My dear the first one is thinking but the second is enjoying."

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: Why do men fart louder than women? A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.

Johny met his classmate from high school after ten years who was still very beautiful. As he met her, he told her only: "Hi Ann, I am pleased to see you again after so many years." Ann took a look at his pants and said: "I know that you´re pleased."

Q: What do you say to a man with five penises? A: Your jeans fit like a glove.

A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time and is awfully nervous. When the doctor comes into the examining room, he notices immediately that she's very tense. "Listen, dear. I know this must be scary for you. Do you want me to give you some thing to numb you down there?" The girl doesn't say anything, but just nods her head yes. So the doctor removes her underwear, puts his mouth in her crotch. "Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb..."

Happy Father's Day to someome who's been completely replaced in his marriage by Fifty Shades of Grey.

Once a blonde wanted to go to her boyfriend's home. Her mom advised her: "My sweet whenever your boy friend wanted to touch your pants tell him there is a hot oven so your hand will burn." Next day her mom asked her daughter: "Had you a good day?" The blonde answered: "It was the best day in my life because when my boyfriend touched my pants I told him: 'There is a hot oven and your hand would damage!' But he urged me that I've one hot dog and I wanna to cook it for several times he put his hot dog in my pants and then he put it in my mouth for confident whether it has been cooked or not."

Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.