There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish icefishing.
Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win...they kept pulling out fish after fish.
Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently.
A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.
"A hole! You need to put a hole in the ice!"
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Q. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A. A blonde parade.
A blonde keeps checking her mail box.
A neighbour notices her repeated trips to the kerb and asks if she’s waiting for a special delivery.
‘No,’ she replies.
‘But my computer keeps telling me I have mail.’
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times..."
A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York.
When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm sorry.
Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat."
The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat."
The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response.
The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde.
The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach.
The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move.
He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch ’n sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver.
The truck driver motioned for her to pull over.
When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket.
He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face.
"Oh you think that's funny?
Watch this!"
He gets a baseball bat out of His truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
He is getting really mad.
He gets his knife back out and slices all her tyres.
Now she’s laughing.
The truck driver is really starting to lose it.
He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is almost falling over.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle."
Q: What is a blonde's definition of a naval destroyer?
A: A hula hoop with a nail in it.
Regis: “Barbara, you’ve done very well so far – $500,000 and one lifeline left — phone a friend.The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right … but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 — are you ready?”
Barbara: “Sure, I’ll have a go!”
Regis: “Which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest?
Is it...
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars.”
“I think I know who it..but I’m not 100%… No, I haven’t got a clue. I’d like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: “Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: “I’ll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham.”
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): “Hello…”
Regis: “Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.
The next voice you hear will be Barbara’s and she’ll read you the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer — fire away Barbara.”
Barbara: “Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it’s own nest?
Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush”
Maggie: “Oh Gees, Barbara that’s simple…..It’s a Cuckoo.”
Barbara: “You think?”
Maggie: “I’m sure.”
Barbara: ” Thanks Maggie.” (hangs up)
Regis: “Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?”
Barbara: “I want to play, I’ll go with C-Cuckoo”
Regis: “Is that your final answer?”
Barbara: “It is.”
Regis: “Are you confident?”
Barbara: “Yes fairly, Maggie’s a sound bet.”
Regis: “Barbara…..you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo …you’re right! – You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara.”
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks “Tell me Maggie, How in God’s name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: “Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock.
Q: What is long and hard to a blonde?
A: Fourth grade.