Joke #5319

An elderly man remembers the good old days: “When I was young, my mom could send me to a shop with a single $, and I would bring back 5 pounds of potatoes, 2 breads, a bottle of milk, a piece of cheese and 10 eggs. Nowadays that’s impossible – there are simply to many security cameras."
Vote: has 70.43 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: old people

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls? They're going to call her Old Spice.
Vote: has 54.13 % from 37 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, dirty, music, old people
An old man on crowded bus has trouble finding a seat. The bus careened down the avenue, shaking the passengers from left to right, and the old man, unable to support himself properly with his cane, fell to the floor. Little Johnny, sitting nearby, looked down at him and said, "If you put a little rubber cap on the end of your cane, you wouldn't fall like that. The old man looked up and replied, "If your daddy had done the same, I would have a place to sit on this stupid bus."
Vote: has 76.51 % from 256 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dad, little Johnny, old people
Two old ladies are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes her head and adds, "And such small portions."
Vote: has 28.48 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, old people
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
Vote: has 65.63 % from 58 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: death, husband, old people
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row. The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?" "Of course the old woman!" The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, car, life, old people, women
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, “I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.” I said, “Well, then why are you crying?” He said, “She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.” I said, “Well, why are you crying?” He said, “For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours” I said, “Well, why in the world would you be crying?” He said, “I can’t remember where I live!”
Vote: has 80.87 % from 83 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, food, memory, old people, wife
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, old people, women
One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening to a holy station on the radio. They were about 98 years old and so frail, they couldn't walk to church. The preacher said, ''If you put one hand on the radio and one hand on whatever you want healed I will heal it for you.'' So the old woman put one hand on the radio and one hand on her heart. The old man tried to not let the old woman see but he put one hand on the radio and one hand on his penis. The old woman looked over and said, ''He said he could heal, not raise the dead!''
Vote: has 44.51 % from 66 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, church, music, old people
What is so special about the retirement age? "It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job."
Vote: has 34.09 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, old people, work
Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers." Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
Vote: has 60.56 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: health, old people