Three men discuss the Christmas presents they bought for their wives.
The first man says that he bought his wife a vacation home in the Bahamas and one in Jamaica.
"That way," he explains, "if she doesn't like one, she can use the other."
The second man says he had bought his wife a sports car and a limo for exactly the same reason.
The third man says, "I bought my wife a negligee and a vibrator. That way, if she doesn't like the negligee, she can go screw herself."
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The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge.
A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo.
She looks at the shelf behind the register.
"How much for the white one?"
"$10."
"How much for the black one?"
"$20."
She buys the white one.
A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo.
After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one.
A third lady comes in for a dildo.
She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one.
She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went.
"Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"
Vote:
A man walked into a lawyer's office.
"How much does your advice cost?" he asked the lawyer.
"Fifty dollars for three questions," replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "And what was your third question?"
I was eating and enjoying my food when a man entered into the restaurant where i was eating with a brief case.
I guess he is a politician cause his dressing and pot belly portrays it.
He walked and sat down as every body looked at him.
Suddenly a woman came to him and started crying.
The woman knelt down and told him that her children die of hunger since her husband died.
This man opened the brief case and gave this woman five thousand dollars.
The woman jumped up and left the scene in happiness.
I was still watching when another man started crying and came to him. He knelt down and begged him that he need a money to establish a business.
This man brought out three hundred thousand dollars cheque and gave it to this man.
This time, i started murmuring and practicing on the lie i will blow to have my own national cake.
I started crying and came to the man. Immediately i knelt down, I heard "Cut! cut! cut!".
I turned and saw the laughing director of the movie.
Shame almost killed me.
Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!
Vote:
I hate paying my income tax.
You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?
I'd like to but they insist on money.
Harry applies for a job at a finance company, the manager tells him the job is his if he can crack their toughest account.
Harry goes off and comes back two hours later having recovered the entire amount.
‘Amazing!’ says the manager.
‘How did you do it?’
‘Easy,’ replies Harry.
‘I said that if he didn’t pay us, I’d tell all his other creditors he had.’
The psychiatrist asks his patient: "Do you really think that you are a horse?"
The patient: "Yes."
The Doctor: "Ok, it will be a long and expensive therapy."
The patient: "It's ok, I have enough money."
Doctor: "And how it is possible?"
The patient: "Because I have won three times horse races."
A man hires a taxi to take him to court for his bankruptcy trial.
When they arrive he says to the driver, ‘Well, I suppose you might as well come in too.’