Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Student: You told me not to use tables. 
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It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Josh.
At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Josh graduate, let Josh graduate!"
The principal agrees to give Josh one last chance.
"If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Josh, how many apples do I have?" he asked.
Josh thought long and hard and then said: "Ten."
And the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Josh another chance. Give Josh another chance!"
Vote:
Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning.
(The Fast and The Furious)
It doesn't matter if you pass the semester by getting 40% or 95%.
Passing's passing.
Q:Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm the school bell.
A: Take These tablets and if they don't work give me a ring in the morning.
The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
What did the music teacher need a ladder for?
To reach the top notes.
Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution:
"When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."
Q: What do you call a blonde sitting in the back of your 6th grade class?
A: your 25 year old mom.
Three men were using the urinals in a public restroom in DC.
The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job.
As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Harvard, I learned to be clean and sanitary."
The second gent zipped up, marched briskly to the sinks, and scrubbed his hands with much less soap and water than the first man, doing a splendidly thorough job nonetheless.
As he was drying his hands (with only one paper towel), he severely announced to no one in particular, "At Yale, I learned to be clean and sanitary, but I ALSO learned to be thrifty and environmentally conscious."
The third man finished relieving himself, zipped up, and ambled past the sinks to the door, muttering to himself, "In kindergarten, I learned not to piss on my hands."