An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!"
The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Q: What's the difference between jelly and jam?
A: I can't jelly my dick a baby's throat.
One day, a space ship landed in a farmer’s field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife.
As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed.
Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship.
The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed.
The Martian then man took the farmer’s wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another.
They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife, “Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?”
The farmer’s wife replied “It needs to be a little bigger around.” So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around.
About an hour later, the Martian man asked the farmer’s wife again “How does it feel now?”
The farmer’s wife responded “I think it needs to be a little longer.”
So the Martian man twisted his left ear and presto, his penis became longer.
The next morning, after their alien neighbors had left, the farmer and his wife were having coffee at the breakfast table and the farmer asked his wife “How was the Martian man?” To this, the farmer’s wife replied “Fine.”
“And how about the Martian woman?”
The farmer replied, “That damn bitch yanked on my fucking ears all night long!”
Q: When is the only time a guy can multi-task?
A: When he's watching porn, masturbating, and keeping an eye on the door at the same time...
Vote:
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection.
Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread.
So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread.
The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it."
Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
Babe when I die I want you to cremate me, pour my ashes into a bowl of chili, and eat me just so I can tear that ass up one more time!
One day a mom and her son went to the zoo.
There they saw two monkeys having sex.
The son asked "What are they doing?".
The mom said "Ohh they are making frosting", then they saw hippos doing it then he said "Mom what are they doing?" "Making frosting" she said.
Later that night he saw there mom doing it.
In the morning he said "Mom you and dad were making frosting so i ate it!"
4 reasons why I curse
1) Because I fucking want to.
2) Because I fucking can.
3) Because I don't give a fuck.
4) Because my mom isn't around.
Q: Why do rednecks like having sex doggie style?
A: That way they can both watch wrestling.
Q: Why are pubic hairs curly?
A: So you don't poke your eye out.