An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!" The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
Q: What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? A: Gee, we really do taste like chicken!
Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity? A: Osama Bin Laiden.
The average speed of ejaculation is 45km/h, which is probably why I was arrested for doing it outside a school.
A man walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender, six shots!" The bartender looks at him and says, "Wow six shots, whats the occasion?" The man replies , "First bl*wjob!" The bartender then pours him a seventh shot and says, "Congrats man, this ones on me." The man then says , "Man if six shots cant get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will!"
I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
Don't ever let your girl talk to another guy about her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to ride on.
Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind. Son: Dad im over here.
Girl: Babe I just gotta a tattoo of a sea shell on my thigh can you hear the ocean? *Pulls his head to her thigh* Guy: Nope, But I sure can smell the fish.
What type of pussy does a priest get? Nun.
Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"