An old married couple were having s*x and the wife says, "Baby, suck my nipples!"
The man dies; autopsy said, "Reason for death: Expired Milk"
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Sex is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace.
He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet.
Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat.
He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?"
She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub.
She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub."
He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."
A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster.
As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens.
The farmer is impressed.
At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens.
The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried.
Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow.
Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead.
The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!"
And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, Shhhh!,they are about to land."
A guy walks into a pharmacy and buys a pack of condoms.
The cashier asks him if he wants a bag.
He responds, "No, she's not that ugly."
What is the geographical definition of s*x?
Ans: It is an action done by the polland in the holland between the thailand with the little help of greece.
My ex girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh.
If you put your ear up to it... you can smell the ocean.
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."
What do you call a stoner that just broke up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.
Q: What do you call Bin Laden when he lost his virginity?
A: Osama Bin Laiden.
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