Man gives blood too save his wifes life.
Few months later they are divorced.
Husband says too wife, "I want my blood back you B*TCH!"
Wife throws the tampon at him and says, "I will pay you back monthly you B*STARD." 
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What happens if you download the Princess Diana screensaver application?
Your iphone will keep crashing!
Why Trick-or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:
- You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
- If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
- The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
- You don't have to keep in touch with the person who gives you some.
- 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
- If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
- It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning with pleasure.
- You can do the whole neighborhood.
Whats the similarity between getting a bl*wjob from an 80 year old and walking the tightrope ?
In both cases you really dont want to look down !
The lesbians next door bought me a Rolex for my birthday.
I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch...
Vote:
I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date.
I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.
If one drop of semen contains more life than a drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock?
Oh wait... Twilight
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.
She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair."
Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty five-year-olds?
A: Because there are twenty of them!
Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, "Give him two Viagra."
Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?"
Dr replies, "No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!"