Joke #5553

The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
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has 61.59 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend. They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation: "Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."
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has 61.05 % from 103 votes. More jokes about: fish, husband, love, marriage, women
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer"
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has 54.79 % from 205 votes. More jokes about: marriage, math, men, wedding, women
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his chequebook open.
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has 25.64 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: marriage
When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice. "The first ten years are the hardest." "How long have you been married?" she asked. "Ten years", he replied.
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has 71.76 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time, work
Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
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has 36.46 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage
Julia tells her husband, "James, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome. Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses. Now, why can't you do that?" "Gosh," James says, "why I hardly know the girl."
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has 85.15 % from 266 votes. More jokes about: marriage
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
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has 80.60 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, life, marriage, sex
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
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has 85.62 % from 275 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor!"
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has 62.00 % from 277 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife
Three guys sit in a bar complaining about their wives. The first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have a garage door." The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she listens to an iPod and she doesn't have any earphones." The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of condoms and she doesn't even have a d**k."
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has 83.49 % from 421 votes. More jokes about: bar, car, marriage, stupid, wife