The angry wife met her husband at the door.
There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast." 
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I'm going to watch my wedding video later "backwards".
I love the end bit when she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle and jumps in the car.
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop.
The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old.
They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket.
He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store.
With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter.
With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these."
He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
I wouldn’t say she’s been married a lot but the church is trying to get her to pay for a new aisle carpet.
A woman was standing naked, looking herself at the mirror.
She was not satisfied with what she was looking at and said to her husband: "I feel awful. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need a compliment right now."
Her husband replied: "Your vision is perfectly nice!"
...and then the fight started.
A man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house like he used to.
When the examination was complete, he said "Now Doc, tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man.
"Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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Dave's wife thinks that he is pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club for his birthday.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How are ya?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
They sit and a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual.
His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know what you drink."
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave.
"Hi, Davey," she says, "Want your usual lap dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her.
His wife starts screaming at him.
The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real doozy this time, Dave!"
A young woman for whom a marriage with an old man was being arranged by her parents refused to go through with the ceremony because as she put it, " I don't want to feel old age creeping on me!"