The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?" "There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in most countries, son.
Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife's yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he's in, he shuts up!
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning." "What is she doing?", the pal asks. "Waiting for me to get home."
Girlfriend pregnant error... Abort, Marry, Ignore?
Marriage is not a lottery – you get a chance in a lottery.
Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’ Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’
A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye. “Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said. He said, “No. I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that is I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years. Tomorrow I could have been free!”
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids." Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?" She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."
On wedding night, during sex: Husband: I had a sex with so many callgirls so many time before. Wife: Thats what I have been thinking since we met that I have seen you somewhere before...