Q:What not to say to the nice policeman?
A:I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
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First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?”
Second soldier: “No way, Jose!”
First soldier: “Whyever not?”
Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”
A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peacekeeping mission.
During a briefing on landmines, the captain asked for questions.
Our intrepid soldier raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area."
What do Gary Glitter and Napalm have in common?
Both can strip the clothes off a small Vietnamese child in under two seconds.
In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
Q: How do you play Iraqi bingo ?
A: B-52...F-16...A-10.
A private was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.
‘You can take your choice, Private – one month’s restriction or twenty days’ pay,’ said the officer.
‘All right, sir,’ said the bright soldier, ‘I’ll take the money.’
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later."
The nun agreed...
A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"
The nun replied, "He went that way."
After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria."
The nun said, "I understand completely."
The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."
Why did Osama Bin Laden kill his wife?
When she spread her legs he saw bush.
Vote:
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.
"You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"