Joke #2718

First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?” Second soldier: “No way, Jose!” First soldier: “Whyever not?” Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”
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has 72.70 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: food, military

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Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country. O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer. They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside. He is gone for a long time. When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." "Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks. The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
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has 71.97 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: animal, beer, food, military
During the Iraq War, As a soldier was saying good-bye to his family, his five-year-old son, James, held his leg and started pleading not to leave. "No, Daddy, please don't go!" he kept repeating. They were beginning to make a scene when his wife, desperate to calm him, said, "Let Daddy go and I'll take you to get a pizza." Immediately, James loosened his death grip, stepped back and in a calm voice said, "'Bye, Daddy."
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has 50.97 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: family, food, kids, military, war
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"
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has 41.89 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: food, military
Q: Why did the girl spread peanut butter on the road? A: To go with the traffic jam!
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has 71.52 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: car, food, women
So, Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office. "Oh and finally, sir, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today." Bush goes pale, his jaw hanging open in stunned disbelief. He buries his face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God". "Mr. President," says Cheney, "we lose soldiers all the time, and it's terrible. But I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?" Bush looks up and says..."How many is a Brazilian?"
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has 85.38 % from 247 votes. More jokes about: military
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure, buddy." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now, let's try it again!" Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!"
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has 85.12 % from 527 votes. More jokes about: military, money
A man visits his doctor with celery stalks stuck in each ear and a carrot stick up each nostril. He mumbles, "Doc, I'm just not feeling well." The doctor replies, "Maybe you're not eating right."
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has 66.60 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: doctor, food, men
I'm like happy meal. "Coz you are small and pretty?" "No, coz I always c*m with a toy inside.
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has 51.27 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: food, sex, women
What soldiers smell of salt and pepper? Seasoned troops!
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has 32.62 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: military
Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together!
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has 35.20 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: food