A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket."
The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea, let's pretend we're married."
"Why not," giggles the woman.
"Good," he replies.
"Get your own blanket."
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A wife wanted an expensive fur coat from the executive husband to celebrate their Silver wedding anniversary.
The miser overbearing rich husband rejected the expensive but affordable demand.
He said, "You grow the hair on your chest and I will give you fur coat to cover it."
The wife was out of control with anger.
She pulls up her skirt, drops and throws her panties and pushes her hairy pubic area forward.
She said, "There! I have the hair on my chest, now buy me that damn coat!"
"That’s not your chest, that is your pussy!" husband screamed back.
"Oh yes that is my chest all right" she yelled back. "While we were dating this was your chest of hope. We got married and on our honeymoon you used to tease me it was your chest of pleasure. Then I started bearing children and it became your chest of family, and damn it. If you don’t buy me that fur coat, it is going to be the community chest of public."
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I live like a medieval knight.
Every night I go to sleep with a battleaxe at my side.
Q: Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
A: He thought his wife was a flake.
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly.
“Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks.
“My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”.
Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing.
You know, a little peace and quiet?”
“Yeah. But today is the last day”.
My wife came in complaining about me never lifting a finger in the house.
So I did - the middle one.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stuart said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?
Q: Why do brides smile while they walk down the wedding aisle?
A: They realize they've given their last blow jobs.
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't afford her own washing machine won't be able to support you.