Joke #5641

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, ‘I’ve got some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.’ The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. ‘Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don’t go so well. In this case, things aren’t well. I have cancer. So, let’s head to the club and have a martini.’ After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman’s old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end, ‘I’ve been diagnosed with AIDS.’ The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat. After the friends left, the woman’s daughter leaned over and whispered, ‘Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??’ ‘Because I don’t want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I’m gone.’.
Vote: has 85.06 % from 65 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q:How do crazy people go through the forest? A:They take the psycho path.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet. He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp. "This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes. "I would like an ice-cold Coke right now." He gets his Coke and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible." Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish. "I wish I'd never have to work again." Instantly, he was back in his government office.
Vote: has 67.88 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, life, political, women, work
I'm tired 8 days a week.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, time
Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?" Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?" Customer: "No, I can’t." Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: food, life
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. "Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a jogger asks. The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, "Nope." As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks the jogger's legs. As the jogger flails around in the yard, he yells, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" The old man mutters, "Ain't my dog."
Vote: has 84.26 % from 229 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dog, life
Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help. They follow the sound to the lake and see George W. Bush drowning. The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore. Bush asks the boys how he can repay them. The first boy says, "I want a boat." The second boy says, "I want a truck." The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone." Bush asks, "Why is that?" The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to kill me."
Vote: has 81.51 % from 86 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, death, life, political
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But In the end, it doesn't even matter.
Vote: has 73.53 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, music
Q:Did you hear the joke about the rope? A:Just skip it.
Vote: has 76.99 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Doctor doctor I feel that Im a pack of card. What can I do ? Doctor: I deal with you later.
Vote: has 69.05 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, life