Joke #5687

Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?

Customer: "Waiter, what’s the meaning of this fly in my tea up?" Waiter: "I wouldn’t know sir, I’m a waiter, not a fortune teller."

Q:Did you hear the joke about the rope? A:Just skip it.

I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"

Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?" Doctor: "How old are you now?" Patient: "40" Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?" Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice." Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"

Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining: 1.

Mexicans cross the border 1...2...and 4 at one time, never 3. why? Because the sign says - no tres passing.

Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids." "Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates." A few moments later a second man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers." "Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise." A few moments later a third man walks up. "Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?" "I was a policeman," he responded. "What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked. "I was a Military Policeman, Sir." "Excellent my son, I've gotta take a leak, watch the gate will ya?"

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

Cletus Cletus goes to work and sees that one of his co-workers has a thermos. He asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold." Cletus was amazed and when he got home immediately went out and bought one. The next day he goes to work and is proud that he has this wonderful object. The same co-worker realizes he has a thermos and says, "What do you have in it?" He says, "Soup and ice cream!"