Joke #5687

Waiter, what is this stuff? That's bean salad sir. I know what it's been, but what is it now?
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has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life

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The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.
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Did you hear about that music composer who commited suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
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A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, food, life, travel
There was three people approaching the gates of heaven But there was only one place left. The gate keeper asked the first man what happened to him because the one with the worst death would go inn. The first man said: "Well imagine that I expected my wife was having an affair, so I got home early to surprise her. I found her in the bathroom with a towel round her so I knew she wasn't having a shower so I search the apartment and found 10 fingers hanging from the window sill. So I started bashing away at them. When he fell god must have loved him, because he lived. So I threw a refrigerator at him. After all the excitement I died of a heart attack." That's horrific said the gate keeper, he asked the second man how he died and he said. "Well imagine this I was riding one of those stationary bike on the top of our apartment building but it went wrong I feel down and grabbed some ones window sill. Then some idiot started bashing ar my fingers then I fell but god must have loved me because i lived then -SHANNOOOWWWW- a refrigerator plunged down at me" That is to horrific. He asked the third man how he died and he said. "Well imagine that I was naked in a refrigerator..."
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has 84.15 % from 191 votes. More jokes about: death, health, heaven, life, wife
You want to come in my life, the door is open. You want to get out of my life, the door is open. Just one request. Don’t stand at the door, you’re blocking the traffic.
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has 68.45 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: life
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab test, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?” He asked, “Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?” “Oh no,” I replied. “I’ve never done either.” Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?” I said, “No, I heard that all red meat is very unhealthy.” “Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, ballooning, motorcycling, rock climbing?” “No, I don’t,” I said. He said, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or sexually fool around?” “No,” I said. “I have never done any of those things.” He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a shit if you live to be 80?”
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has 78.53 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: life
I was in Venice Beach in January and there was a homeless man with a sign that said "1 dollar for dirty joke." Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar. Homeless man: "Alright sir whats your name?" Me: "John" Homeless man: "So Johny, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have." Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many wings this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right, now how many eyes this black rooster got?" Me: "Two?" Homeless man: "Right again, now there is this white cat walking around how many hairs are on that white cat?" Me: "I don't know? A lot?" Homeless man: "Well Johny, why do you know so much about black cock and not enough about white pussy."
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has 81.85 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, life, money
If I had my whole life to live over again, I don’t think I’d have the strength.
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: life
Life is like a box of chocolates: A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.
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has 65.51 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: food, life, racist
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate.
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has 44.74 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: baby, life