Why Coffee Is Better Than Women:
- A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
- You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
- You won't get arrested for picking up coffee on the street at 3 a.m.
- You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
- You can get cup after cup of different coffees all day long.
- No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
- Coffee doesn't talk to you.
- Most coffee is hot, unless you request it otherwise.
- Coffee stains are easier to remove.
- Coffee is ready in 10 minutes or less.
- When coffee gets cold, you can throw it away.
- When you drink coffee, you don't end up with a pube in the back of your throat.
- Coffee doesn't take up half your bed and all the hot water.
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The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
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Lenin dies and goes to Saint Peter to tell him whether to go to hell or heaven.
There was a big problem among the saints because the half of them wanted him to hell and the other half in Paradise.
Then they asked God, who of course tells them to go to Hell.
After a week of being in hell, devil visited St. Peter and complained: "This Lenin will destroy me. One week in Hell only and he has already started their courses and demonstrations."
St. Peter much forced agrees to accept Lenin in Paradise.
From that day and then there was a disturbing silence.
After two months St. Peter goes to heaven and he sees what?
Everyone sitting around and Lenin standing in the middle and talking.
Among the distinguished listeners the Saint recognises Jesus Christ.
He calls him and says: "God will punish you"
And he answers: "Who? God? But God does not exist."
Amazing unbelievable facts
1. Isaac Newton was alive before he died
2. It takes 60 seconds to make a minute
3. Albert Einstein was born on his birthday
4. Morgan Freeman is called Morgan Freeman because his first name is Morgan and last name is Freeman
The church is struck by lightning.
The insurance company refuses to pay out for damages incurred, as there is a specific disclaimer clause for "An act of God", which, amongst others, lightning is classified as.
The priest goes to every household and asks for a donation to rebuild the church.
One Christian farmer protested, "I'm sorry, Pastor, but I can't give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!"
Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.
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Q: Wanna hear a joke?
A: Women's Rights.
I am often asked, "Is google a man or a women?"
My simple answer is:
It's a woman because it won't let you finish your sentence without making a suggestion.
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.