Joke #5717

A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"

I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.

If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? a lickalotapus.

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see a naked women, then one of the boys run away. The other chases after him. The boy asked "Why did u run away?" The other said "My mom told me if i saw a naked women i'd turn to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn comes in to take a piss. Well, the man cant help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised, "bubba, whats your secret?" Bubba says"well, every night before i go to get in bed with a woman i whack my dick on the bedpost three times." So the man decides to try it that very night. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says"bubba, is that you?"

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.

Whats the difference between Paris Hilton and a bowling ball? You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball!

Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "Thats nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"

My favorite sexual position is called "The Osama"... its where I burst into your room and blow a load on your face.