Joke #5717

A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"
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Charlie marries a virgin. On their wedding night, he's on fire, and wants some dirty fun so he gets naked, jumps into bed, and immediately begins groping her. "Charles, I expect you to be as mannerly in bed as you are at the dinner table." So, Charlie folds his hands on his lap and says, "Is this better?" "Much better!" she replies with a smile. "Okay, then," he says, "now will you please pass the pussy."
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My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k? A joystick does its job.
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Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra? A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.
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One day a mom and her son went to the zoo. There they saw two monkeys having sex. The son asked "What are they doing?". The mom said "Ohh they are making frosting", then they saw hippos doing it then he said "Mom what are they doing?" "Making frosting" she said. Later that night he saw there mom doing it. In the morning he said "Mom you and dad were making frosting so i ate it!"
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Q: Ever had sex while camping? A: It's fucking intents.
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Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"
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An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face. "What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord. "Well, I live by the railway and on my way home last night I noticed a woman tied to the tracks. I cut her free and we shagged all night !" "Did you get a blow job ?" asks the landlord. "No ..." he says, "I never found the head."
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What’s the difference between a barmaid in the evening and a barmaid at night? A barmaid in the evening is fair and buxom. A barmaid at night is bare and...
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What is the difference between mayonnaise and semen? Mayonnaise doesn't shoot down your throat at 40 miles per hour.
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