Joke #5717

A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"

Three generations of hookers were sitting around the kitchen table one morning. The youngest moans "the economy is so bad, I can only get $20 for a blowjob. The middle aged hooker says "shit, you think that's bad? In my day $5 was a good trick" The oldest says "shit, back in the depression we was just happy to have something warm in our bellies"

There guy goes to a weight loss clinic and says he needs to lose 20 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs, where he finds a beautiful naked woman with a sign that says "If you catch me, you can screw me." An hour later, he emerges, sated and 20 lbs. lighter. A month later, he returns and needs to lose 50 lbs. The receptionist sends him upstairs again, but this time there are two girls with the same sign. A day later, he comes out 50 lbs. lighter. A year later, he returns and needs to lose 100 lbs. He gets sent upstairs again, where he finds a huge gorilla with a sign that reads "If I catch you, I screw you."

Aaron Hernandez goes to prison as a tight end. He'll come out a wide receiver!

Come on guys, I think we are a little tough on pedophiles, they have a hard time fitting in.

Your mama is so stupid, when she lost her dildo she called the cops to look for it.

Q: What's the difference between an Indian and a toilet? A: The toilet smells good when it gets cleaned.

A big dirty farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "This is the pig I have to f*ck when you're not up for s*x." His wife says: "I think you'll find that's a sheep." He says: " I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep!"

Why did the semen cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock today.

Getting married is like buying a dishwasher. You'll never have to do it by hand again.

Q: What do gay guys have in common with bungee jumpers? A: If the rubber breaks, they're in deep shit!