A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"
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Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance.
Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.
She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old.
He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.
“I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married.”
She said, “Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant penis.”
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait so Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touch teasing, holding one
another.
As Sandy put her hands in Jim’s pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!
Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
She said, “You told me your penis was the size of an infant!”
“Yes it is: 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!”
I know an archaeologist who can tell you what period a tampon was from.
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A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill.
However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick.
So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car.
He informs her of his dilemma.
"Hey Jill, I have a problem."
"Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks
"I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?"
"Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"
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Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.
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Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
A: Clothes.
Q: Why does Michael Jackson like twenty five-year-olds?
A: Because there are twenty of them!
Q: What's the difference between jelly and jam?
A: I can't jelly my dick a baby's throat.
My girlfriend asked me for the 7th time in a row for me to smash raw...
She must think I'm made of coat hangers.
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Q: What's the difference between a whore and a bitch?
A: A whore fucks everybody and a bitch fucks everybody but you.