A mother was arguing with her teenager and finally she reaches breaking point and blurts out, " I should swallowed you when i had the chance!"
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Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?"
Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!"
The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests.
"Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, “You’ll never believe it, dear, but I’ve discovered an entirely new position for lovemaking.”
“Really,” said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. “What is it?”
“Back to back.”
“But that’s crazy. We can’t do anything back to back.”
“Yes we can. I’ve persuaded another couple to help out.”
A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster.
As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens.
The farmer is impressed.
At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens.
The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried.
Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow.
Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead.
The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!"
And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, Shhhh!,they are about to land."
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.
Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.
When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table.
The man obeys.
The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.
Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about.
The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.
The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.
While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.
Curious, the man ask “What are they doing in there”?
The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care..”
Vote:
A woman wants everything from one man.
A man wants one thing from all the women.
Q: What did Snow White say to Pinocchio when she was sitting on his face?
A: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
Vote:
Q: What's the difference between 3 d*cks and a joke?
A: Your mom can't take a joke.
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray. She looked confused and said, "What are these for?" I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
Ok, So superman was flying around on day after he had saved the world.
"Man that was hard work, Now I need to relax and f*ck a b*tch."
And so he went to the batcave.
He walked over to batman and asked, "You know any hoes that just want to have s*x?"
Batman looked and replied, "Well I heard superwomen wants to have s*x."
Superman looked at him and shook his head,"Well superwomen wants to have s*x with EVERYONE."
So intern he goes to robin, "Look robin I know your gay and all but do you know any hoes that want to f*ck."
Robin replies, "Well I heard superwomens pretty good."
Superman looks and says,"Well EVERYONE hears superwomen is good."
Pissed superman flies off.
While hes flying he passes over a field.
He looks down and sees superwomen completly naked with her legs spread.
Superman thinks to himself, "I can get in and out in faster than a speeding bullet."
So he flies down gets in and gets out faster than a bullet.
Back in the field superwomen looks around and says, "What the f*ck was that?"
and invisible man says, "I don't know but my ass hurts."