Joke #583

If you rate this kickass, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
Vote: has 81.02 % from 1683 votes. Send joke:

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When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music"... but when I do it, I'm "wasted" and "have to leave Home Depot".
Vote: has 85.17 % from 133 votes. Send joke:

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Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back... So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.
Vote: has 83.05 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

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I watched Justin Bieber get shot in CSI and my brother asked "Why are you crying?" I said "Because he didn't die in real life"
Vote: has 82.35 % from 111 votes. Send joke:

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James Bond was trained by Chuck Norris, as his butler.
Vote: has 81.77 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

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The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.
Vote: has 81.62 % from 275 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Vote: has 79.77 % from 188 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Vote: has 79.69 % from 176 votes. Send joke:

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Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
Vote: has 79.60 % from 247 votes. Send joke:

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Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kyle said, “Sean, if I am not being too forward, I’d love to have sex with an older man. Let’s go back to my place.” So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, “If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I’m sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand.” Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, “Okay”. He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, “Kylie, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right hand.” Kylie is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing. Once it’s all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Kylie asks “Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right stimulate you while you’re sleeping?” Sean replies, “No, but the last time I slept with a slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet.”
Vote: has 79.15 % from 462 votes. Send joke:

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Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Vote: has 79.06 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

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