Joke #5867

A guy was walking to a bar and on his way he found a girl tied up to the railroad tracks. He untied her and they had sex. Guy gets to the bar, friends ask why he's so late, tells them about the girl he found and all the different positions they fucked in. Friends give him props and ask if he got head, guy replies "I couldn't find it."

Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood....

Anyone want to try the ALS gas bucket challenge HMU.

What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you're forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.

Did you hear about the male prostitute who got leprosy? He did okay until his business fell off.

Who may open the door without using hands, nor legs? An invalid.

A man wakes up and finds himself in a hospital room, one with only himself in it. He has no recollection of how he got there. While pondering it, his bedside phone rings, and he answers it. A doctor on the other end identifies himself, and tells the man: "I have really bad news. You're very sick. After your collapse yesterday, we ordered several tests, and got the results back this morning. I'm afraid you have Avain flu, Ebola, and you're positive for HIV and hepatitis." Stunned, the man asks "Well, what's next!? What are you going to do?" The doc replies: "Well, for starters, we're putting you on a strict diet of only pizza." The patient asks: "Will that really help me, doctor?" "No", the doc responds. "But it's all we can fit under the door."

What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape? The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.

I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend today. I had to drop the bomb two or three times before she finally got it.

Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.