What is something nine out of ten people enjoy?
Gang rape.
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Whats the similarity between getting a bl*wjob from an 80 year old and walking the tightrope ?
In both cases you really dont want to look down !
Q: Why can women play hockey?
A: Because they have to change their pads after every period.
A son is discussing funeral arrangements with his dying mother.
‘Would you like to be buried or cremated?’ asks the son.
The mother replies, ‘I don’t know.
Surprise me.’
What has a hundred balls and f*cks old women?
Bingo!
How do you know when a Barbie has her period?
All your tic tacks are gone.
A Boyfriend texts his Girlfriend saying "Hey babe you wanna come over and have sex?"
Girlfriend texts back "Duh!"
So the girl goes over her Boyfriends house, and right before they get into it, he sets the boundaries.
"Ok, so my little brother is home, and I have bunk beds. He's on the bottom bunk.
If you want it harder, you say tomato.
If you want it faster, you say lettuce, and if you want to moan you say any other ingredients that would be on a sandwich."
So they're up on the top bunk having sex, and she's yelling "Tomato! Tomato! Lettuce! Lettuce! Cheese! Cheese!"
Well the little brother is still on the bottom bunk and yells "Hey can you guys knock it off, your getting Mayonnaise all over me!!!"
Two friends who had not seen each other for awhile met at a bar.
"Hey, your wife just had a birthday recently, didn't she? Did you get her anything special?"
"Yeah, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo."
"A pair of slippers and a dildo?"
"Yeah, I said 'If you don't like the slippers, you can go fuck yourself.' "
Friend: Dude, I can't stop dreaming about my crush.
Me: Well imagine this... You're home alone, and your crush comes over to visit.
Friend: Ok I can see it...
Me: She walks into your room and you're just sitting there.
Friend: Uh-huh.. I'm likin' this.
Me: Ok. So she walks in front of you, takes her pants off.
She's not wearing any underwear.. And then she sits on you.
Friend: Oh-ho-hoo.. Whatta' naughty girl.
Me: Yeah, ok. Don't get dirty on me. So she's sitting on you.
And then... she starting shitting in you.
Right then and there, you find out you're a toilet.
Friend: I hate you...
What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you stupid ugly horny cunt."
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Q: What did the letter O said to the letter Q?
A: Dude, your dick is hanging out.
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