Joke #609

You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
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has 74.69 % from 250 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, horse

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Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing." The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck". The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
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has 84.22 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, mean, vulgar, wife
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
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has 71.05 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, drunk, men, wife
Q: If a horses foot covers 2 acres of land, what will his tail cover? A: His ass!
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has 70.90 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, horse, vulgar
A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town. To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given. He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss around here?" he asked. "I am." said the man. "I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said. "Here's your chicken." said the farmer.
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has 69.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: animal, horse, old people
A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."
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has 68.66 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, life
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house. He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, drunk, stupid
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: air force, animal, drunk
How do you know when a crab is drunk? It walks forwards.
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has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk
We must admit that we want to be like some animals. We all want to be strong like a bear, we want to have a sharp sight like a falcon, the intelligence like an owl, the endurance like a horse, we want to sing like a skylark, we want to be running like a fox and of course we all want to have the salivas like a dragon lizard.
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has 53.62 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, horse, life
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, drunk