Joke #1510

How do you know when a crab is drunk? It walks forwards.
Vote:
has 54.97 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing." The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck". The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
Vote:
has 84.23 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, mean, vulgar, wife
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
Vote:
has 74.66 % from 254 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, horse
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
Vote:
has 69.20 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, drunk, men, wife
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
Vote:
has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: air force, animal, drunk
A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."
Vote:
has 58.01 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, life
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
Vote:
has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, drunk
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house. He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
Vote:
has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, drunk, stupid
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
Vote:
has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog, drunk
The policeman had the bar under surveillance a few minutes before closing time, so he could see who comes out drunk. The first one out the door at 2:00 o'clock weaved down the sidewalk, then fell on the curb. Sluggishly got up, then tried his keys in five cars before finding his own car. Once inside his car, he fumbled with his keys for 2 or 3 minutes. Meanwhile, all the club patrons had gotten into their cars and driven away, leaving this one fellow quite alone in the parking lot. Finally, he got his car started and began to very slowly drive away. Immediately, the police car was behind him with lights flashing. The policeman asked the man to take a breathalyser test, to which he readily agreed. When the reading was 0.0%, the policeman said, "How can this be?" To which the man replied, "Because tonight, I'm the designated decoy."
Vote:
has 83.25 % from 329 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, cop, drunk, time
What's a moo hoo for a stuffed steer? A full bull.
Vote:
has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: animal