Joke #1510

How do you know when a crab is drunk? It walks forwards.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk

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Drunk man stumbles upstairs late at night and bursts through the bedroom door with a duck under his arm. He announces to his now awake annoyed wife that "This is the pig I've been screwing." The wife unimpressed said "You drunk arsehole... That's a duck". The bloke looks down at the duck and then looks back up at his wife and says... "I was talking to the duck!"
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has 81.83 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, mean, vulgar, wife
A drunk guy took a cat home to his wife and said: "See... here is the a monkey of the jungle." His wife said laughing, "That's a CAT ..." He said back to his wife, "I am talking to the cat!"
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has 75.57 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, drunk, men, wife
You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you, and you're being chase by a lion. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel.
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has 74.73 % from 233 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, horse
A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."
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has 68.01 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, life
The man comes home drunken but he goes to the piggery instead of the house. He lies down, he takes a look at the pig, caresses it and says: "Oh, it's you, darling, naked again?"
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: animal, communication, dirty, drunk, stupid
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
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has 61.01 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: air force, animal, drunk
A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe, and the giraffe gets waay too drunk. The bartender says, "Hey! you can't leave that lyin' there!" The guy goes, "that's not a lion its a giraffe!"
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, bartender, drunk
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!" The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
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has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog, drunk
I may be a cold hearted and a unloving bitch, but I'm damn good at it How am I driving? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS I'm not an alcholic Alcoholics go to meetings I am a drunk NO FAT CHICKS! Dont laugh at my ride, your daughter may be in it! Horn broke watch for finger I'm not pshycotic, I cant read your mind. Keep staring I might do a trick. Chicks dig my ride. I found Jesus... he was behind the coach the whole time. I didn't sell my soal to satan...... but we did work out a rent to own deal. Dyslexic satan worshipers think they're worshipping Santa. I haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister. Everyone has the right to be stupid but you abuse the privlige. I smile because I have no Idea whats going on. Guys: just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one. STOP FOLLOWING ME, I don't know where I'm going.
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has 19.07 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, god, stupid
What did Abe Lincoln say after a 3 day drunk? "I set WHO free?"
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has 57.61 % from 184 votes. More jokes about: black people, drunk