I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
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Coworker: Can you help me with this project?
Me: The short answer is no.
Coworker: What's the long answer?
Me: Nooooooo.
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
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In 1996, Florida physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued his local nudie bar claiming whiplash from a lap dancer's large breasts.
Shimkonis felt he suffered physical harm and mental anguish from the breasts, which he claimed felt like "cement blocks" hitting him.
Shimkonis sought justice in the amount of $15,000, which was denied.
There’s one good thing about life.
It’s only temporary.
Our folk not only knows how to read between the lines but also how to leave a record between the eyes.
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row.
The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?"
"Of course the old woman!"
The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.
The only difference is, then he kills people.
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Jenna, Jessica and ariana die.
They all go to heaven and GOD says, "You can do whatever you want, just don't step on a pink cloud".
The first day, Jenna goes out and comes back with a ugly guy.
Jessica and Ariana ask, "what happen?".
Jenna says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
The next day, Jessica goes out, she comes back with a ugly guy.
Jenna and Ariana ask, "what happen?".
Jessica says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".
The following day Araina goes out and comes back with a HOTT guy, blue eyes, thin and tall.
Jenna and jessica ask, "What happen?"
The guy says, "I stepped on a pink cloud".