A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.
The guy says, "No, ma'am."
She says, "Well, do you have any dates?"
And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"
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A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates.
The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?"
No.
The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"
No.
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."
The farmer shot Chuck.
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
A: It went OK.
A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex.
To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself.
Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his “tool of the trade”.
But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again.
He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk.
He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk.
Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things!”
"Where are you going to take Vampira on your date?" asked one vampire.
"Oh, I thought we'd go to the movies, and then get a quick bite."
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There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.
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A man and woman were on their first date.
The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer."
The man looked away and turned red.
"What's wrong?" asked the woman.
"I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
Q: Why do C# programmers have trouble dating women?
A: They want women with class, but they treat them like objects.