Joke #6918

Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..

I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some homework." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok, I was at a friend's house watching movies." Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?" Son says, "Toy Story." The robot slaps the son. Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn." Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what p*rn was." The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son." The robot slaps the mother. Robot for sale...

Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.

What do you call hemorrhoids on a fag? Speed bumps.

I'm trying to write a joke about overdosing on cocaine. But I need a line to end it.

What's the fastest thing in the world? A beer truck driving through an Indian reserve. What's the second fastest thing in the world? The Indians running after it.

Lebron better than Jordan? Ha! Yea right. Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.

How do you know which one is your boss from a crowd of 500 people? You say: “My boss is a stupidest asshole!”

The only Christmas present Chuck Norris ever gives is allowing you to live.

I have asked my mamma: "Mamma, why do we have 10 cock birds but only 1 hen?" Mama has said to me: "Because I want that she has a better life than I had."