Joke #6918

Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so they created a night watchman, GS-4 position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning position and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, GS-12 and one person to do time studies, GS-1. Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Q. C. position and hired two people, one GS-9 to do the studies and one GS-11 to write the reports. Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, GS-09, and a payroll officer, GS-11, and hired two people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative position and hired three people, an Admin. Officer GM-13, Assistant Admin. Officer GS-12, and a Legal Secretary GS-08. Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $280,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.
Vote: has 84.48 % from 45 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
How do elves greet each other? "Small world, isn't it?"
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: elf, life
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day a gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of the pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies "No, what do you mean?" "You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him. Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee." "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities..." Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on about once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks!"
Vote: has 76.89 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.
Vote: has 66.45 % from 19 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, life, music, women
Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard Graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end sentences with prepositions." Texan: "Okay — where are you from, jackass?"
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: life
Knock knock. Who's there? Déja. Déja who? Knock knock.
Vote: has 57.17 % from 40 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: knock-knock, life, memory
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
Vote: has 14.61 % from 13001 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fart, food, life, music
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy. Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?" "I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?" "Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
Vote: has 70.55 % from 44 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, Christmas, fart, life
Q: How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony? A: Look for sesame seed buns.
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, life
Lebron better than Jordan? Ha! Yea right. Talk to me when Lebron saves the looney tunes from an alien race.
Vote: has 56.84 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: celebrity, life, sport