A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one What a HippoCrip.
Yo mama so stupid that she mourned wen we slaughtered a goat for Cristmas.
Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal. "There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?" To which the second skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."
What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt? Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "Whats that?" She says: "Well, it's a beaver, Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says: "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."
Q: What's worse than ants in your pants? A: Uncle.
Q. How does a frog confuse you? A. When he comes out and says he needed that nap and feels much better.
What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away. The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant - "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths? Lefty.
What animal do you look like when you get into the bath? A little bear.