A hippo once told me he hated gangs, but then he joined one
What a HippoCrip.
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Chuck Norris can kill a Great White Shark by drowning it.
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What are cat-erpillars afraid of?
Dog-erpillars.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
Two rabbits are in a garden and one of the rabbits says, "Thith carrot tathes pithy."
The other rabbit says, "Yes, I know, I just pithed on it."
What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast?
How slime flies.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days.
Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
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My tomcat used to stay out all night, so I took him to the vet and had him neutered.
Now he still stays out all night – it turns out he likes to watch!
Chuck Norris once uppercut a horse and that is how the giraffe was created.
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Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground.
One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, "You see that Indian?"
"Yeah," says the other cowboy.
"Look," says the first one, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction."
Just then the Indian looks up.
"Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon."
"Incredible!" says the cowboy to his friend. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what colour they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!"
The Indian looks up and says, "Ran over me about a half hour ago."